Friday, December 23, 2011


This is the time of the year where we are totally involved in finding that perfect gift for our family and friends through the maddening rush of shoppers equally focused of finding that perfect gift. I too was in that crowd but I also realize the real meaning of Christmas and what God did for us all.

I am sure all have heard and read of the story many times over the years of Jesus' birth on a day that changed religious history. Jesus wasn't born to rebel and over throw oppressive rulers to save His people. He came to spread peace, love, and sacrifice Himself for our sins as our saviour.

With this in mind, I reflect in the ramnifications of this historical event over two thousand years ago as a gift of love from God to those who believe in Him. Perhaps this is where the pagan ritual of gift giving began. Irregardless, this is the time of the year we all wish for peace on earth in trying times where it seems there is no peace on earth. However, I don't think there will ever be a peace in that respect.

The real peace does not come from government intervention, wars ending, or human intervention. That peace is short lived untill another incident overshadows that incident. The lasting peace comes from with in one's heart and soul combined with a lasting relationship with God and His guidance. There is also another gift from God that any one can receive by only believing in Jesus as their saviour and accepting Him into their lives.

Merry Christmas to all and Peace.

Sunday, October 2, 2011


Here we are two months into the bacterial infection of the liver. Still there but not as severe as before. The doctors still do not know what cause the infection. I was put on Intravenous injections daily for the last 8 weeks to reduce the abscesses and infection. Don't know what is taking so long to clear up this malady but it is slowly clearing up. Much too slow for my liking.

It is to the point now considering I have been on the IV antibiotics this long, I am beginning to see some adverse side effects. (intermittent loss of balance, blood blockages in the "Pick Tubes", wore out feeling at the end of the day, Passing blood, and some kidney issues). Consultation with the Doctors insist I must stay on the antibiotic for another week in order to completely eliminate the infection. The side effects are minimal in their opinion considering the work the antibiotic is doing. At this point, I would have to think surgery may have been a better option and much cheaper than daily infusions at the hospital.

Although a bit in a griping mode ( actually more than a bit), I am still thankful for the results now considering what might have been the diagnostics that the Doctors first though it was ( Cancer of the Liver).

Every day I go to the infusion center for my injection and I see others there with more severe life threatening diseases getting their injections. Some are diagnose with cancer, others blood disorders, and some with lung or other diseases. Actually I have no room to gripe with my minor side effects but I do thinking I may be worse than they are letting on. Paranoia setting in I think. Wonder if hallucinations are a side effect from the antibiotics?

Each day I am there I look at the others there wondering if they have a relationship with God. I don't go around preaching to the other patients but do try to have a conversation and let my faith pop up in the conversation should they have a need. Some are definitely terminal and I pray for their salvation.

One of the nurses knows of my faith and has come around asking more about God so we do have a good converstaion frequently when time allows and others can over hear what we are talking about. Perhaps other will open up to accept God too as time goes by.

Perhaps this is where God has led me for my new challenge in reaching out to others in need. Only time will tell.

More to follow in part 3.

Saturday, July 30, 2011


I realized some thing is different the weekend of July 16th. I was a little tired and naturally hot due to the weather so I stayed in and kept cool despite feeling a bit off balance and having constant sweats. I just figured I just had a little heat exhaustion and drank plenty of liquids. Nothing seemed to help. By Monday the 18th I was still feeling bad and called in sick. By that afternoon, I was getting worse and started to have high temperatures ( 104 degrees). The wife called the EMS staff and I was transported to the Hospital E.R. All the vitals were in various arrays of concern to the Doctors. After a lengthy stay with every test they could think of plus re hydrating liquids, I was released with a prognosis of a viral infection and anti biotics. That was a relief or so I thought. Two days later I was not any better and back I went to the E.R. This time they kept me for two days and ran further test and MRI scans.

This is when they discovered numerous spots on my Liver which appeared to be possibly cancer. as the Doctor read the scans. There was some solemn moments after getting this news. I was scheduled to go back into the hospital for biopsy test in two days with the MRI machine directing the needles into the liver spots. I was told that 97% of the time when spots appear on the Liver, that is a cause of cancer spreading from another vital organ in the body to the liver. It could additionally mean Colon cancer, Prostate, or Pancreatic cancer. The wife alerted all that she could contact to pray for me in the upcoming test and I also began to pray. I usually don't pray for my self because I felt it was selfish and God had plenty of other issues to deal with but this time was different. I was terrified.

. As I prayed I felt there was not the usual connection that I do have in prayer or I had forgotten how to pray. Perhaps God was busy. This went on for two days and during the wait after the biopsy test. To say I was sure the prognosis was going to be devastating was an understatement. Still I held out faith God would intervene. It was during this time I changed my prayers from "Please God heal me" to "Dear God please allow me the strength and courage to accept what ever the prognosis will be and allow me comfort, wisdom, and faith in your grace". I think it was during those prayers that I did feel a connection was made and an inner peace began to surface. I also began to feel an inner peace that God was now in control. I was ready to accept what ever His plans were. Every thing was in His hands.

I got a call from the Doctor Friday afternoon on the 29th with the results. He went on to state that I was one of the fortunate 3% of the people that had spots on their liver that were not cancerous but a bacterial infection. He also stated the reason that I wasn't getting better was that the earlier antibiotics was not designed to clear up this type of infection. Those were designed for viral infections. I was immediately put on a bacterial antibiotic and the Dr. made an appointment for me to see a contagious disease specialist to see where this infection came from and to clear it out of my Liver. Although I am not out of the woods yet, the Doctor stated if I follow the procedures from the specialist to clear up the infection, I will be back in good physical shape in a short time.

After I hung up from the Doctor's call I felt a huge burden was lifted and elation swepted over me with joy and the tears began to flow like a river as I praised God and thanked Him over and over again for sparing me the alternative prognosis. During this this time of praise, I felt a closeness that I had not felt for awhile come back and envelope me There was no longer any fear but peace. A peace that I cannot describe but felt it was from God. I also felt a new resurgence to begin serving God in a new direction but do not know yet in which direction. I am sure He will let me know in due time.

All I know know is that God intervened in my health crisis, prevented me from facing cancer, and gave me faith that He still is in loving, forgiving, control despite being a sinner of the flesh. All can experience His loving grace if only they will accept Him through faith and love. I look forward with Faith that God will guide me through the upcomming ordeal with the contagious disease specialist. Part two to follow.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011


Have you ever wondered why there has not been any more gospels found or written since the bible was canonized about 300 A.D.? Ok, We have the Gnostic gospels but are they truly from God? Did God just give up on His people and turn His back on them feeling they were a lost cause? Does God still hold out hope for the current people ( Gentiles) as the last vestige of believers and worshipers wishing to celebrate His glory in His kingdom?

All through biblical times and up to Paul God spoke to the select Prophets advising them to address His chosen people to turn away from their rebellion and worshiping pagan idols. It seems all through biblical times God had to repeatedly chastise His chosen people through death, slavery, exile, and allowing other nations to conquer what is now Israel due to not following His words and truths. Jesus even rebuked the Pharisees for their acts of the law with out having true hearts and hearing His words. I believe Jesus even called them Hypocrites. For they did not believe that God sent Jesus as the saviour or messiah.

I have to wonder where are all the prophets of the modern era? I know that the Bible states we cannot add any thing else to the bible but was that written by mortal men and Priest during that time. Was it God inspired as far as that respect? I don't think that He just stopped communicating to the ones that want to hear out His words. I truly think He speaks to us daily to guide us but we fail to hear His thoughts. Some remembering the last passages in Revelations fail to speak out with God inspired messages or prophesies due to that fact.

Remembering Independence Day recently brought me back to old history lessons about our fore fathers that helped build up a nation with God as a focal point for all to worship freely in a religion of their choice and as a nation of free people with representation. I would have to imagine this country was built with God fearing people that laid down their lives for an ideology that proposed freedom, high morals, and high ethics along with faith in a God. If you think about it, those laws were formulated based on the Ten Commandments. I feel this new country had God's blessing as the new land of opportunity

However, over the last few decades things in this country have taken a turn for the worse. There is now legislation to take God out of the pledge of allegiance and to remove God from public forms. The Ten Commandments have been stricken from the court houses. If people use God in any form of speeches, they face prosecution. It is only a matter of time before the churches will not be allowed to worship God in any form or profess their faith. And yet people do not speak up as their rights are slowly stricken down. Just as in biblical times, we see idolarity and worship of material things becomming more prevalent

I am sure God is quite displeased with these actions and again His wrath will become evident. Is America becoming the new Babylon as one sect proposes in their writings? The similarities are hard to ignore. I would have to imagine we are to be tested in the end times to see where our loyalties are.

Do we seek out the Lord to worship Him and spread the gospel to others not yet saved? Do we show love to others not as well off as we are? Do we earnestly seek out ways to serve Him and bring ones seeking salvation to his Kingdom?

Do we get so engrossed in our selves and become self serving? Do we worship material things and all that money can buy. Do we seek out lustful things and ignore others? Do we sin with out remorse? Do we rebel against what God stands for?

You see, God gives us a choice. It is all up to you where you want to be.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011


How do I envision God? How do you envision God? Ok we all have grown up seeing pictures painted and drawn of God in a beard floating in clouds surrounded by small children as angels with that mighty finger pointing down on earth passing judgement ( the one that sticks in my mind).

But is that the real image of God or what man thinks God to look like? With the exception of a few prophets and Moses, No one has actually seen God in all His glory. The other question is why is that? He is a living organism far greater than we can imagine but yet He does not readily make Himself visible to all just yet. That day is comming soon I suspect.

If we have read scriptures there are instances of him creating a nation from bones scattered in a waste land and breathed ( Rhema?) life into them to live as humans. We have read where He destroyed Sodom and Gomorah with fire and brimstone falling from the skies. We have read of Him creating a safe passage ( parting of the sea) for Moses and the Jews to escape Egyptian soldiers chasing them. We have read of Him taking a prophet up into the heavens to show the prophet a view of Earth and that it was round ( like an orb) long before people discovered that the earth was in fact round. God can heal and bring back to life the dead as noted many times in scriptures. We have read of Him visiting a prophet with a vessel that certaily sounds like a space craft with eyes and wings as the prophet describes it. Of course we have Genesis where He creates man and woman in His likeness along with the Garden of Eden.

I just briefly described some of the descriptions found in the scriptures of God and his modes of transportation but I think it makes a point that God is far more technologically advanced than we care to imagine based on a scientific level. So how can we envision Him as the painters envisioned Him centuries ago based on European races?

I think we have our vision of God all wrong. He is far more than that. Translucent yes, Just as Jesus was after His baptism by John the Baptist but more that that for lack of better words. Actually, we have yet to experience His true appearance but I am confident what we will see is beyond our comprehension. Even rationalizing it with science and technology, we will fail to grasp His true appearance.

We all know of His loving grace as it is written in the Scriptures but as it is also said we as His children has felt His wrath for our rebellion against Him through the ages too. Yet still He is a loving, forgiving, and patient God who wishes for all His children to turn their lives over to Him to exprience His grace in His kigdom He has prepared for us .

So what is my vision of God?

A diety that is capable of just thinking and something happens or is created, a God that loves and lives eternally, a God that communicates to His children (us) daily, a God that expresses sorrow and anger but is slow to act in anger, a God that is patient, a God that sacrificed His own son and yet raised him from the dead in order for our sins to be forgiven, a God that walks with us daily even though we don't realize it, and a God that created us in His likeness.

This is a God that gives us a choice to accept Him or reject Him. It is our choice of our own free will.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


Most people as they grow older do have a reduced hearing ability just as your eyesight fades as one ages. It is just one of the facts of life one has to deal with. In my case, I started off with a hearing loss at a young age after a bout of German Measles as I was told. I lost 90% of my hearing in one ear but the other ear was not affected. Over the years I was able to hide that fact I suppose by always attending school class and insisting I be placed in the front rows in classes claiming I wanted to be able to pay attention better. Most teachers bought it and I was able to keep my little secret a secret for many years. Even my wife in our courting years did not even realize it. I became quite adept at offsetting my hearing problem by manipulation and deceit.

I was always keenly interested in the military as a career when I graduated from school based on my military family heritage. Part of the family was Navy and the other part was Army. I compromised by joining the Air Force. Figured I wouldn't offend any of the family in that respect. So off the flight school I went after graduation. This was the first shocker in my life when I didn't pass the physical. Seems I was in the group where part of the physical was a detailed comprehensive hearing test. Passed all the other test with flying colors but flunked the hearing one because of the one ear with a severe loss..

The dreams of flying went down the tubes and the dejection was very difficult to take. Then is when I realized I was actually deaf in one ear. This was a total destruction of my carefully laid out plans in my career life. I had no clue what I was going to do now. I didn't have a back up plan so I had to come up with something for a new career direction.

After wandering around in meaningless jobs for a year or two, I was led by a strong urging from I did not know by who ( God) at the time to stop at a retailing store that had a job fair. Well it wasn't a strong urging; it was more like my car was guided into that parking lot and I was ushered into the interview. I presented my diplomas, resume, and credentials to a recruiter who was the regional vice president of personnel for this large retail chain. Although my background and experience was mostly technical, I was hired on the spot for their management training program. I stayed with this company and progressed up the ladder quickly till I took a self financed retirement and started my own racing venture financed by this company's excellent stock option plan.

At the time, little did I know being around cars with loud exhaust would play a pivotal part is effecting my other ear. I had noticed at the time that a famous Indy car driver had been wearing hearing aids due to deafness (I thought he had a similar problem growing up) but I didn't think it would bother me as I was so good at off setting not being able to hear in one ear. Well over the years I do think now that may have been the catalyst to experience hearing loss in the other ear too. Ear plugs weren't invented yet for racing. However after a near fatal 185MPH crash in the third year of racing, I decided it was time to hang up the helmet and racing venture. It was by the grace of God that I was spared any critical injuries or death.

Over the last 23 years that I know of, God has come into my life many times but at first, I didn't listen or comprehend His guidance. It wasn't until the last few years that I opened my heart to God did I fully understand He was the one guiding me for His purpose. Looking back in my life, He was always there waiting for me to accept Him and His grace unconditionally.

So slowly the loss of hearing began to creep into the good ear unnoticed by me but others did see the change. I prayed to God for a healing miracle but none came. I prayed again over the last two years but the damage was done. I prayed again but this time all I got was "go to Cincinnati Eye Institute, see James". Now that didn't make sense to me but I followed the voice. They do have a section of their practice for hearing loss and yes there is a James that is the head of the practice.

I went to see this James and got the preliminary test which he suggested I see an ear specialist to confirm that a hearing aid would help the hearing I lost. It seemed to be in the mid ranges where the speech frequencies are mostly located. That made sense as that was where I usually boosted the output on my stereo system equalizer. I wasn't too hot on the idea of a hearing aid based in hearing of other's experiences over the years but I went along with his suggestions, got the results, and was led back to him for a fitting. Still quite sceptical of the miracles of the new age hearing aids claims, I went along just to see if there was any improvements over the last 20 years.

Yes there was quite a difference as I learned with the demonstration that James performed. First I was hooked up to a behind the ear hearing aid which was connected through a computer program where he ran a screen that showed the frequencies in Hertz measurements (16 to be exact) and super imposed my test results in the frequencies where the loss was evident. From that screen, He boosted the mid range frequencies up in the hearing aid to be flat over all frequencies equally and at a proper level. Then we tested for a hearing volume level that I felt comfortable with. A little more tweaking of the hearing aid from the Computer and it opened up a new experience in sound. I did not realize what sounds I was missing before. James printed out a few instructional sheets for me to read and the sound from the printer startled me. The next biggie was the phone use to check for squeals when one puts their ear to the phone head set. Amazingly there was none at all.

Another test was the voice recognition with background noise. Amazingly, I was able to discern all the spoken words even in a noisy environment as the hearing aid digitally focused on the spoken words and reduced the background noise. James even went on to discuss the learning curve I would experience as I began to learn how to hear all over again. He went into the problems I would experience as my brain became adjusted to the new ranges of hearing. All this time I thought I heard with my ears. It is your brain that hears the sounds and adjust for what you are hearing ( deciphering the sounds). If you can't understand the sound, your brain will more than likely ignore it as indistinguishable.

In our conversation before inserting the hearing aid, James seemed to have a deep bass voice. With the hearing aid on, his voice was not as deep a bass voice as I thought. He actually had a good bit of higher mid range nuances in his voice that made his speech easier to understand. I had been missing a lot of sound and didn't even know it. After about an hour of discussions and instructions along with several self help pamphlets and instructions he asked the question to close the sale ( been there done that many times my self in sales). " When do you think you might want to get a hearing aid?" was his question. My answer was " right after you put it in my ear James. It is a perfect fit sound wise".We settled on price, got all the instructions about care of the hearing aid, packets, case, warranties, free batteries, and the receipt. Walked out of the office hearing things I had been missing for the last couple years. I thanked God for leading me to this man and the Cincinnati Eye Institute. In a way, God did heal me of my hearing problem. I am grateful for what he did by leading me there.

I go back in 4 weeks for another fine tune but right now it seems perfect. However, there is a down side. I hear things I never heard before. Some sounds startled me until I became accustomed to what the sounds were. Here again is where your brain has to get accustomed to what it is hearing. Another problem you will note is people seem to be talking louder that they were before. That is great, you are hearing better and understanding what they are saying. The hearing aid is doing what it is supposed to do. Live with it and enjoy it.

If you think or others tell you that you have a hearing loss, believe it and get you hearing checked. Don't wait for a few years like I did and think you don't need one. If you are constantly asking for others to repeat their selves or you say huh, please, or I didn't understand what you said, you need to get your ears checked. If you answer a question with a yes or no and didn't understand what one said to you, get your hearing checked. There is no need to let your hearing loss rule your life or keep you from enjoying what God put in front of you.

The technology of today for hearing loss is much more advanced than even what it was only 5 years ago. You don't have to suffer in silence. If the hearing loss cannot be cured by surgery as in my case, the hearing aid is a viable alternative for a more enjoyable life. And no you do not need a large bubble sticking out of you ears or a mega phone. Most today are completely not visible to the average person. If you have hang ups about wearing one that is visible, there is a large selection of aids that are hidden either behind the ear or inside the ear. It is your choice. Do you want to fake it or hear clearly? I can clearly hear now.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011



We sometimes put our confidence in things like our own skills, jobs, bank accounts, and other material things and over look where our confidence should be put. If one fails to put their faith in God over all else, one is doomed.

I have been thinking a lot lately on issues. One of the pitfalls to that is a headache. Best to leave those issues in God's hands.

Religious Theologians all have the absolute answers as fact. Now that depends on which one you agree with. It is best to believe in what God says, not man.

The greatest danger is not that we renounce our faith, but settle for a mediocre version of it( John Ortberg).

What if a person (man) declared himself as a god and stated there is no absolute truth but that which you make as truth? That there is no heaven or hell? That man determines what is moral or imoral? I think most believers can answer those questions. I would be interested in the answers.

Spiritual Gifts are real and they exist today for those that seek them in earnest through God's grace by the Holy Spirit. Oh how I yearn for them but I fear I am not worthy of such an honor.

Praying to God daily can mean many things. actual prayer, thoughts, giving thanks, thinking, of Him, singing praises, hearing His voice, and yes simply talking to God.

That is all for now.

Sunday, June 5, 2011


Life cycle of a Fuchsia bloom

In Revelations I read about Babylon that was once a city of great importance which represented all that was evil and her destruction that followed. Today Babylon ( in Iraq) still lay in ruins. Does this mean that this city will once again rise to prominence only to be destroyed again. One cult sect now hints the USA is the new Babylon.

Why does God allow evil? We don't know why. I think Billy Graham summed it up best in his book "Answers to life's problems". God did not create evil nor is he the cause. We should not blame Him. Man created evil in defiance to God.

There is a clarity to our vision when we completely forget ourselves and concentrate solely on the task before us in serving God.

Hearing God's voice is so difficult for many. It is only when we learn to listen for that still silent voice do we make the connection.

In this hurry up, at once results society, we need solitude. A time to reflect and do nothing, a time to invite Jesus into your solitude, and hear His voice.

Spiritual gifts are not for only the most holy but for all that desire them in edifying God's grace. However, if one uses them to glorify oneself, one is not doing a service to God but glorifying their selves. There is a name for those that do.

Are we grateful for Jesus miracles when they happen today? Do we stop and take a moment out of our busy schedule and say a prayer praising Jesus for His miracles in our lives. I read in the scriptures where Jesus healed 10 Lepers and only one came forward to give thanks. The one that did was a foreigner, the others failed to give Him thanks as Jesus noted to the apostles.

More to follow.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


A fitting picture for this time of the year.

When I go to church I like to sit up in the first couple rows so I can hear the message clearly because of some hearing loss. When I get there, they are either saved or reserved for people in groups with perfectly good hearing. You ask for a place that has provisions for the hearing impaired and you are directed to the balcony in the back of the church where there are no provisions. Why is that?

I often read that one should be spiritually mature in their faith. But yet God calls us his children.

I suspect spiritual maturity means one that loves what God loves and hates what He hates, Has a relationship with God, and hears His voice. No need for one to have a doctorate in religious theology or has memorized the bible.

I once met a person that professed to be a good Christian. He was judgemental, acted like every one else was a sinner and going to hell, very unfriendly, loved no one, and drank like a fish.

I also met a person as a door greeter in one church. He was charming, easily accessible and remembered your name even after the service. Even went so far as to introduce people to others in the church when he found out they were new to the church.

In a broken, fallen world, we only have two choices: mature friendship with God , or radical disillusionment. Friendship with God frees us from being limited by what we don't have, by what we are suffering, or by what we are enduring. I would have to think this friendship is worth more than any thing this fallen world can offer despite how richly it appears at first glance.

People with messy spirituality. I would have to think that describes most of us if we would be honest with our selves. It is a place where desperation meets Jesus. It is the delirious consequence of a life ruined by Jesus who will love us right into His arms despite our sins, failings, and messy lifestyle if we only would accept Him into our lives.

I would have to believe in the beginning that God knew that our short comings would condemn us as sinners. Thus he brought forth Jesus as a sacrifice for our sins past, present, and the future. But as Jesus healed the blind man, He told him to sin no more or something worse would happen. I would have to think if we are saved, we can't still go around sinning in the old life style thinking we are automatically saved.

I was once a skeptic of the spiritual gifts and was taught the gifts were only active during the time of the Apostles. They do not exist any more. But I read in Paul's writing that they are active until the return of Jesus. So who do we believe? Scriptures or the religions that deny their existence any more. I have had experiences to the contrary. I believe they do still exist in these times. Although I do not possess any gifts, I am amazed of ones that do have spiritual gifts that edify God.

A few thoughts that have passed my mind. More to come later.